They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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