who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
