Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Why did my mother make you get naked?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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