remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
This is the high leading the old right now
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
