ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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