I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
