Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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