I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Come on in and take your pants off
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