That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
