Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize