Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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