Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
