Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Randomize
