yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize