You smell like stripper and shame
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
