we have pet lesbian snakes
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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