Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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