I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
