im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
