So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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