i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
