If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
