cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
