he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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