I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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