I smell stomach acid.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
A+ Viking dick
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
