I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
