Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
