the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
