Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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