I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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