I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
