i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize