Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
My bed smells like the plague
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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