mondays should just be called national damage control day
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize