I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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