dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
