matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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