...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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