This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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