this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
