your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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