this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
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