I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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