I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
