you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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