I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
