How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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