she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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