He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
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