I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
