need another drink. this is the easiest way
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I understand Curling. That high.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm always down for nudity.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
