My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
