what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
