Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
