Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I just want to make out with him forever
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
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