Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize