she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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