My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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