Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
It's Friday. Sex?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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