I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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