Swine flu. Run for my life!
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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