Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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