She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize