I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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