R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize