mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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