The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
This is my gift to your gina
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
