Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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