I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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