The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
