There is no way he is gay with that hair.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
