My room smells like vodka and shame
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
