My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Barsexuality is the new black.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
