i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
