I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
