im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
why do cheetos always look like penises
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
NoShamevember. You game?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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