I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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