So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Randomize
