I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
