I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize