how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
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