Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
