I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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