We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
We're too hungover to prance.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
