On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
