I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
