Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
