how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
