Your tits are I can't wait for
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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