you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Life is so much better after having sex.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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