$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
