i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
