How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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