butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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