We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
