I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize