Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
