You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
