My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
