Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
