You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
