3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
