I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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