Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
