he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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