How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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