anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
