My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
