see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
