is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
